Russia’s Space Director Channels His ‘Inner Bond Villain’

A theory gaining prominence is that we are all held captive in a computer simulation. The idea goes something like this: as video games get more realistic, at some point, they will be indistinguishable from real life. If possible, you cannot rule out that we are in one right now. The absurdity of everything happening in the world now seems to bolster the point. Outrageous events make for good video games.

Russia’s Space Director Dmitry Rogozin is floating one such shocking possibility. He is not happy with the West’s response to Vladimir Putin invading Ukraine. From SWIFT banking sanctions to FIFA banning Russia from the world cup, the world is piling consequences onto Russia and its people for the invasion of Ukraine. Rogozin not so subtly threatened to crash the International Space Station onto either the United States or Europe. Usually, the movie villain waits until his plan is in place before disclosing the critical information to the world, but the space chief seems to want to get ahead of the news cycle.

It is easy for Rogozin to threaten this as he is not even on the ISS. Bluster involving other people taking the hit for the team seems to be an epidemic lately. I would love to hear that conversation:

Space Chief: Comrades, I will crash the station for the good of mother Russia!

Russian Cosmonaut: Da! I understand (madly waving at the American astronauts to kill the feed)

Space Chief: Hello? Hello? We have lost transmission. It is an American trick!

American Astronauts to the Russian Cosmonauts: You guys have more of that Vodka left?

Russian Cosmonauts: It is five o’clock in St. Petersburg!

It would not go quite like that, but I imagine it. Jokes aside, Rogozin’s statement is very revealing of our times. It is “Twitter Politics.” Small thoughts that can be delivered quickly and with little to no consideration. It feels good to say, but the reality of putting something like that into action would have far-reaching and devastating consequences. Only an insane person or a bond villain would make such a move. Either way, we better hope we are not in a simulation because someone is getting a space station dropped on them if we are.